Chaos in my life

Off late, lot of chaos has entered my life. Reading my horoscope, views of my palmistry friend, debating with friends over the issues of life and thinking about my life.

While debating with my friends, I was surprised to discover that one of them wants to go in for , self -realization, which means , in all likelihood, he may not marry at all. I have been god fearing and believe in the power of God, but self-realization is completely different, its about knowing yourself so well that your body, mind and your intellect cannot bother you any more. It sounds so distant and philosophical, but there is my friend who is actually aiming to pursue it, which means he will give up most of the pleasures of life, to achieve this. And thinking deep about this made me realize that conviction towards something is most important to lead a satisfied life. I was so afraid of small challenges and small goals and here is a person who is much younger than me and he is aiming to devote rest of his life in order to pursue a goal, which he believed in. It has really made me a different person; my thinking has taken a good change.

Then there is another friend of mine, who is not keen to get married, because he thinks he himself doesn’t have answer to so many question of life that he is not in a position to give proper and un-biased guidance to his children. Though it sounds very stupid and trivial, but what it brings out is a very legitimate question and that is, do we want our children to be our mirror image or do we want them to be something of their own, because if we want them to have their own identity, then we have to understand life, beyond what we have lived, else we will teach them what we were taught, and we would not able to given them an open view of life. It made me think how biased and in-flexible I am on so many beliefs which I would impose upon other if I do not observe them in the light of logic and reality.

While talking about personality and character of an individual, it came out that most of us , have been very shy and reserved kind of people throughout our childhood. We never went to the stage , never participated in any competition, never did any extra -curricular activities and were mostly focused on studies. And this continued until we entered college and that was the time, when most of us came out of our cocoon, when we faced the harsh world, when we were ragged, when we debated, when we fought for our views. But in my case, that was all there, but if I look back at my college days and my personality then, I feel, I was far away from the kind of personality I possessed now. I have gained enormously from working in a corporate, meeting people from different society and culture, seeing the most posh and sophisticated environment and still feeling at ease. This was the time, when I realized the minuteness of life, when I realized what weight age to give to the mundane flashy surroundings and what is the key of a good life, and I found , what Any Rand has stated very strongly in her book, "The Fountainhead", not be slaves to other's opinions but to have a proper understanding of your own self. You should not be told you are good; to know that you are good, you should know where you stand and you should not get swayed by other's opinion. You should always introspect, but be truthful to your inner self. If tomorrow someone says I am a great software engineer, I should know what the reality is and should not feel as a great software engineer, because someone saw such greatness in me. And another thing which connects with this philosophy is modesty. When you know yourself well enough, then you do not get over-excited or deride other because of the knowledge you have. You are modest, because you do not have to show-off to anyone. You are at peace with your inner self and that is what you reflect to other, when you interact with them.

So, in short, last few days, have been a strong agitated ones, which have left many questions open to myself which I need to seek answers in order to get more clarity in my life.

PS: Thank you Alka, for awakening me to write another post.