Mariage Blues !!!!!!
Marriages are made in heaven, then why the become hell on earth. I never got a generic answer to this question, except some common points like mis-understanding, ego and not being honest.
According to the Vedas and other books of knowledge of Hindu Past , there are four ashramas which follow the cycle of growing up, adulthood and getting old and are Brahnacharyi (student), Grihasta householder), Vanaprastha (retirement) and Sannyasin (renunciation). And as per these , a guy can marry at the age of 18 and a girl can marry at the age of 15.
But , if you look at the current society , this rule is followed only by the tribes or some villages , which are just as close to tribes . Even the law does not allow this marriage.
So , now we have , anyone be it guy or a girl , getting married not before 25. And if a guy marries before 25 and that too if it happens to be an arranged marriage , ppl would definately call it a child marriage.
Why do ppl marry ? For procreation ?? Do you wanna screw your life , so that you have somebody whose life will also get screwed the similar way. I tried to think , why ,a person of my age, called 'marriagable age' , would want to get married.
I could find a few reasons , give my lifestyle and the likes around me.To begin with , it really makes a person aware of the world outside his professional life. This is applicable very aptly to ppl working in an industry like IT , where slogging is considered a fashion. If you dont slog , ppl will take you as not serious about your carrier. So , if you are working for 3-4 years like a donkey, the it wldnt matter whether it is Sunday or Thursday. But once you get married, life changes and it has changed for so many ppl around me. I have seen live examples of ppl working for around 16 hours to 7 hours , with the effect of marriage. This reminds me of an ancedote, a senior fellow of my Team , named Ram , was known for working late nights , everyday . Then after marriage , ppl used to say "Spot Ram , get award". So , thats the effect marriage can have. In short , it
makes you aware of the larger picture of life.
Next, in the competetive world in which we live(Peer pressure, CRR ranking, Banding etc), you are always a lil tense and feel like screwed up, and so after working for the whole day , if you do not find anything to comfort you or make your evenings better than end up finding junk food in the evening and dirty lil house of yours, its definately gonna make you sick and frustrated. So, here the wife pitches in and make-up for the bad day you had in the office.Her smile , her talks would make you forget of the office, the issues and the next days action-plan in the office. But yes , it is no guarantee , that what she will remind is pleasent than your office work or not.
Another point , and lets get it straight out , without being too much of a defensive , you wanna enjoy your youth as it is passing by. And with the grace of IT, already the libidos of the either sex is going down. And how long , can you look for some alternatives to gratify yourself. It may sound gross,but its a fact isnt? Come on , go get married and enjoy your physical life as well.
A small point in addition to the second last point, if your other half becomes your friend, then you cannot be any luckier. You can share everything, from generic to your most intimate thoughts without any fear of overstepping. It can be a very wonderful experience.
Another thought which crossed my mind when thinking of marriage is that it reminds you that its time to get in some comfortable shoes. You cannot be nomad throughout your life. Get some stable base and pitch in. Definitely it can make you low in your professional growth, but it provides you the much needed rest in order to start climbing up again. Remember the old saying” Behind every SUCCESSFUL man, there is a woman". But, I would also mention, remember the other side of this phrase too.
Now, that I have thought that it makes some sense to get married, the thing comes, how to get a girl. Going by the current trends of our community, you still do not have much breathing space. The protocol goes like this (mostly), first photographs and kundlis are exchanged. Then one day, the guy's family is invited to the girl's house. And while the whole clan is on the head of the guy, he has to talk to the girl in front of them all.And in something like 2 hour, he is expected a reply , which in many cases becomes a formality as the clans of both the sides have become very friendly and have already started behaving like samdhis. So , you say "yes" to them , under pressure and then you get engaged soon. Now it is only after engagement that you can talk to her on phone or meet her(with the help of her sources). So, in an hour you have to decide on something which is far-far more crucial to you in life than anything else ever. What a tough call, both for the guy or the girl.
My protocol, should go like this. Exchange photos. If both party agrees , then get each other's cell number and start chatting , then go and meet outside the premises of the house and see the comfortablity factor of the other. And if the things go fine, then call your families to pitch in and do the formailty. Wouldnt this be a very comfortable and better judgement for guy and the girl , thinking of marrying. I feel so annoyed when I see a girl walking in the room with a tray of Tea for serving her could-be-in-laws. Where the heck are we going? When will our communities wake up to the reality that choosing a bride or groom is as much a fundamental right as right to live? I just somehow wish that I do not have to go through this entire trauma when I get married. And for those all who are already in deep shit, this is all I can say:
“To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up."
- ATG
According to the Vedas and other books of knowledge of Hindu Past , there are four ashramas which follow the cycle of growing up, adulthood and getting old and are Brahnacharyi (student), Grihasta householder), Vanaprastha (retirement) and Sannyasin (renunciation). And as per these , a guy can marry at the age of 18 and a girl can marry at the age of 15.
But , if you look at the current society , this rule is followed only by the tribes or some villages , which are just as close to tribes . Even the law does not allow this marriage.
So , now we have , anyone be it guy or a girl , getting married not before 25. And if a guy marries before 25 and that too if it happens to be an arranged marriage , ppl would definately call it a child marriage.
Why do ppl marry ? For procreation ?? Do you wanna screw your life , so that you have somebody whose life will also get screwed the similar way. I tried to think , why ,a person of my age, called 'marriagable age' , would want to get married.
I could find a few reasons , give my lifestyle and the likes around me.To begin with , it really makes a person aware of the world outside his professional life. This is applicable very aptly to ppl working in an industry like IT , where slogging is considered a fashion. If you dont slog , ppl will take you as not serious about your carrier. So , if you are working for 3-4 years like a donkey, the it wldnt matter whether it is Sunday or Thursday. But once you get married, life changes and it has changed for so many ppl around me. I have seen live examples of ppl working for around 16 hours to 7 hours , with the effect of marriage. This reminds me of an ancedote, a senior fellow of my Team , named Ram , was known for working late nights , everyday . Then after marriage , ppl used to say "Spot Ram , get award". So , thats the effect marriage can have. In short , it
makes you aware of the larger picture of life.
Next, in the competetive world in which we live(Peer pressure, CRR ranking, Banding etc), you are always a lil tense and feel like screwed up, and so after working for the whole day , if you do not find anything to comfort you or make your evenings better than end up finding junk food in the evening and dirty lil house of yours, its definately gonna make you sick and frustrated. So, here the wife pitches in and make-up for the bad day you had in the office.Her smile , her talks would make you forget of the office, the issues and the next days action-plan in the office. But yes , it is no guarantee , that what she will remind is pleasent than your office work or not.
Another point , and lets get it straight out , without being too much of a defensive , you wanna enjoy your youth as it is passing by. And with the grace of IT, already the libidos of the either sex is going down. And how long , can you look for some alternatives to gratify yourself. It may sound gross,but its a fact isnt? Come on , go get married and enjoy your physical life as well.
A small point in addition to the second last point, if your other half becomes your friend, then you cannot be any luckier. You can share everything, from generic to your most intimate thoughts without any fear of overstepping. It can be a very wonderful experience.
Another thought which crossed my mind when thinking of marriage is that it reminds you that its time to get in some comfortable shoes. You cannot be nomad throughout your life. Get some stable base and pitch in. Definitely it can make you low in your professional growth, but it provides you the much needed rest in order to start climbing up again. Remember the old saying” Behind every SUCCESSFUL man, there is a woman". But, I would also mention, remember the other side of this phrase too.
Now, that I have thought that it makes some sense to get married, the thing comes, how to get a girl. Going by the current trends of our community, you still do not have much breathing space. The protocol goes like this (mostly), first photographs and kundlis are exchanged. Then one day, the guy's family is invited to the girl's house. And while the whole clan is on the head of the guy, he has to talk to the girl in front of them all.And in something like 2 hour, he is expected a reply , which in many cases becomes a formality as the clans of both the sides have become very friendly and have already started behaving like samdhis. So , you say "yes" to them , under pressure and then you get engaged soon. Now it is only after engagement that you can talk to her on phone or meet her(with the help of her sources). So, in an hour you have to decide on something which is far-far more crucial to you in life than anything else ever. What a tough call, both for the guy or the girl.
My protocol, should go like this. Exchange photos. If both party agrees , then get each other's cell number and start chatting , then go and meet outside the premises of the house and see the comfortablity factor of the other. And if the things go fine, then call your families to pitch in and do the formailty. Wouldnt this be a very comfortable and better judgement for guy and the girl , thinking of marrying. I feel so annoyed when I see a girl walking in the room with a tray of Tea for serving her could-be-in-laws. Where the heck are we going? When will our communities wake up to the reality that choosing a bride or groom is as much a fundamental right as right to live? I just somehow wish that I do not have to go through this entire trauma when I get married. And for those all who are already in deep shit, this is all I can say:
“To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up."
- ATG
posted by Anil.kumar03@gmail.com at
7:16 AM
1 Comments:
Well one point to add is that without being friends there is no point in being husband and wife.
Secondly you sound like you do not want an arranged marriage then go out and find one girl for yourself, who is stopping you?
If you want something you have to sacrifice something else. Nothing comes free in this world.
There is a whole big world outside your office if you put in good effort I am sure you can find one girl. Its all a matter of where and how much effort you are putting in :)
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